Ebenezer’s Guide to the Past, Present, and Future of Christmas Cocktails

We at Meal Team Fit believe that real dedication to a healthy lifestyle must include room for indulgences, otherwise what’s the point, right? One of our favorite ways to treat ourselves after a productive work week, or after meeting a particular diet or fitness goal, is with a nice cocktail, and with Christmas just around the corner we thought we’d share with you some of our favorite holiday libations.

To give you the best scoop possible, we’ve brought on an expert guest correspondent. He learned long ago that there’s more to life than counting coins and has been making merry in a savage bout of drinking that’s been going strong since 1843. We can’t condone his life choices, but we commend his positive attitude, and his unparalleled knowledge of strong drink. Without further ado, we give you: Ebenezer Scrooge.

 

Hello Meal Team Fit Folks,

My name is Ebenezer, but you might call me The Neez, all my friends do anyway, and I’m here to tell ye all about drinks—Christmas drinks, to be proper. And mark my words, friends, you’ve come to the right place. Over the past century and a half, I’ve drank ‘em all (and then some) and there’s no better than ole Scrooge to set you on the path to the good stuff.

I’ve enlisted a few of my ghost mates from the old days and they’re going to take us a journey to the Past, Present, and Future where I’ll show you some of my favorites. So, be a good chap and throw a few coals on that fire there, here comes my old pal now. Calls himself the Ghost of Christmas Past but I just call him Mister Past. Let’s go have a drink with him, shall we?

 

PAST

 

Hot mulled wine

We would drink this stuff by the barrel when Jacob Marley and I would take holiday in Poland. I didn’t have much of a heart back in those days, but if I had, I’m certain this wonderful brew would’ve warmed it. Goes great with a good bowl of borscht. Mister Past isn’t a huge fan of this one, but he’s also not a big proponent of cinnamon as it makes him sneeze and gives him mild hallucinations.

1 750 ml bottle Dry red wine

¼ cup Brandy

Spices (cinnamon, cloves) to taste

1 tsp fresh Ginger

Gently warm ingredients on the stove, but do not boil you don’t wanna lose any booze

 

Wassil

I used to do up a big batch of this stuff for the boys and girls that would come around singing carols at Christmas time (after my initial business with the ghosts, of course). The kids loved it and I always had more carolers than anyone else on the street. Unfortunately, since the application of the King’s Draconian “drinking age” laws, I’ve been forced to use non-alcoholic beer and eliminate the rum entirely. I’ve had five carolers since 1904. Mister Past enjoyed this one. Says it reminds him of his mum. I didn’t ask why… 

2 quarts lager beer

1 quart rum

5 oz simple syrup

3 oz lemon juice

Grated nutmeg to taste

Grated ginger to taste

Fruit slices for garnish

 

Hot Toddy

This one’s been around as long as I can remember. It’s been a breakfast staple in my home since I was a boy and my clerk Bob Cratchit enjoys it daily while he works. On a related note the firm of Scrooge and Marley has been losing money on a yearly basis since 1843, but what of it? It’s almost Christmas! Mister Past was looking quite pale as the barkeep brought this one out, but he seems to have perked up from the caffeine in the tea. I asked if he would like to accompany us into the present, but he vehemently declined and left hastily with a heavy barmaid.

1 and ½ oz Whiskey or rum

1 tablespoon Honey

½ oz Lemon juice

8 oz Hot water

Black tea bag

Pour piping hot steeped tea into glass with all other ingredients

I’ve been sitting outside this grogshop, waiting for a ride to the Present for almost an hour now. I’m starting to lose my buzz. This is unacceptable! The Neez never stops partying! The Ghost of Christmas Present should have been here twenty minutes ago! I’ve got half a mind to take that no-good lying sack of—Oh hello Ghost, I didn’t see you there. How’ve you been? How’s the kids? Fantastic, that’s wonderful. Yes, I’ll be right along.

Ok, he’s here. Good man, that Ghost of Christmas Present. Big Pat Swayze fan as well which is why I just call him Ghost. Anyway, let’s go along with him and have a drink in the Now, eh?

 

PRESENT

 

Candy Cane-Kahlua Hot Chocolate

I first tried one of these delightful little concoctions at Katy Perry’s Christmas party four years ago. A great thing to sip beside a fire with a warm pan of fresh baked cookies (as Katy and I did once the other guests left. For a rundown of the remainder of the evening you’ll have to buy my memoirs which come out next year). Ghost prefers to drink them with his cat, Bernie, while watching Dirty Dancing in his underwear.

½ cup whole milk

½ cup heavy cream

1 candy cane

3 tbs hot chocolate

¼ tsp pure vanilla extract

1 ½ oz Kahlua

Whipped cream to taste

Heat milk and cream in sauce pan with candy cane until melted

Stir in hot chocolate and vanilla

Remove from heat stir in Kahlua and pour into glass

Top with whipped cream

 

Cranberry mojitos

These are great for the holiday drinker who likes things a bit more on the tropical side. I spent last Christmas surfing in Malibu and we must’ve gone through a pitcher of these beauties for every wave that crashed the shore. Ghost likes to sip them while working passionately with his pottery wheel.

3 leaves fresh mint

2 tbs sugar

1 oz fresh lime juice

1 tbs cranberry juice concentrate

Sparkling water

Muddle mint with sugar and ice in the bottom of a highball glass

Add rum and lime juice stir to dissolve sugar

Mix in cranberry juice concentrate and top with sparkling water

 

Rumchata Eggnog

Simply fantastic. These pack a serious wallop and with the extra kick from the espresso you can keep hammering them late enough into the night to catch Father Christmas when he makes his way down the chimney. One year he came in, and I offered him one of these bad boys, long story short: half of Europe didn’t get their presents ‘til five p.m. on Christmas day. Ghost wanted to try one, but he was forced to leave the tavern early as an anniversary edition of Road House is showing at a drive-in in Seattle. 

1 part Rumchata

1 part eggnog (low-fat)

1 part hot espresso

Fresh grated nutmeg to taste

Heat Rumchata and eggnog on stove gently

Add hot espresso

Pour into a mug or glass of choice

Dust with nutmeg

It’s getting pretty late now. The Ghost of Christmas Future has been enlisted to give us the premier cocktails from that time, but I haven’t heard from him since 2 a.m. when he called and said to sit tight. To be honest I’m not sure what that weird bugger has up his sleeve. I haven’t been back to the future since Ghosty McFly (that’s what everyone calls him; it’s from a film, I hear) took me there back in ’43. I was stone dead in that future, so I’ve been a bit leery about seeing another one. I’ve only agreed to go now because the people at Meal Team Fit are paying me a ridiculous salary to write this article and, with the way things are going at Scrooge & Marley, well…let’s just say I could use a few schillings. I was seriously considering robbing a—

Wait, what’s that up there? I think I see headlights. Aha! There’s the bugger! How’ve you been, McFly, you old weasel? Not taking me to my grave tonight, I hope?

 

Boxed Wine

I was spending a lot of time in France when this stuff was first invented. At that time it was met with mixed emotions, but McFly insists it’s all the rage in 2095

Pierce box at perforation

Expose tap

Consume slowly

 

Domestic Lager

Another drink I’ve spent a lot of time with. Am I beginning to see a trend here? Is simplification the key to Christmas Future? McFly has finished his eighth lager in the time it took me to type this sentence.

Open can

Consume quickly

 

Whiskey (Room Temp)

The Neez approves. This cocktail has all the…sometimes when…wait what time is it? McFly? Where’s McFly? Good heavens, this whiskey is fine. Merry Christmas and God bless us, everyone!

Unscrew cap

Consume with Passion